National Breastfeeding Week: Thoughts on the Stigma

My little man nursing at just a few days old.

This week is National Breastfeeding Week. It's a subject near and dear to my heart as regular readers will know.  I'm a bit of a strange one, because I'm one of the few who biologically cannot exclusively breastfeed... but did anyways!  I thought I'd write a bit about my feelings on the stigma of breastfeeding in Ireland and the prevailing view on breasts as a sexual object versus a functional biological one.

I love that we have a week highlighting this beautiful act of motherhood, but it's a lifelong battle in Ireland which never ceases to baffle me.

Just looking at some of the reactions of people on twitter says a lot about Irish culture and the way women are really viewed.  If boobs are seen purely as a sexual thing, what does it say for us? For a culture who is rapidly rejecting religion and all the backwards theories that comes with it and finally backing science and natural selection, it's amazing to me that we can be so close minded about this.  I wonder where people think the human race evolved from if it wasn't for boobs. Formula wasn't even an option 200 years ago, yet somehow we managed to survive.

I would urge every woman to examine her feelings on this issue and wonder why and where those feelings evolved. If boobs are only for our partners to play with, what does that say about us? What does that say about our view of the role of women? Where did such views come from? Whether you choose to breastfeed or not, you really need to think about this. Why should women be made feel uncomfortable or in extreme cases shunned for doing something their bodies were made to do? Why is it ok for women to flaunt their assets in the media or out on a Friday night but not to use them how they were actually meant to be used?  Why is it that educated women feel this way? Why is it that 50 Shades of shite is so popular among women? Why is it that we are our own worst enemies?  Yes, Christianity has a lot to answer for shaming women and their bodies, but even in some of the most oppressive countries towards women today breastfeeding is a non-issue. Nursing burqas are big business I tell you! :)

All of this bears thinking about and pondering... above are just some of my thoughts and there are many more where that came from but I will spare you!  Check back tomorrow for my new favourite cake recipe... Grapefruit! Yes, it's worth it!

Check out Mama.ie for the rest of the posts on this special week.

Oh and now... a competition for the week that's in it!



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So You Want to Breastfeed in Ireland?

This week the Irish Parenting Bloggers are doing a blog march for World Breastfeeding Week.  There have been some amazing posts so far and I encourage you to browse!

So you want to breastfeed in Ireland, eh?  Well here are some home truths from some one who's been there and done that despite being one of the less than 1% who cannot physically breastfeed. 

First thing you need to know and probably won't like to hear.... the system and culture is set up so you are almost destined to fail.  What do I mean by this?  I mean that support in the medical system is scant at best and when it's there you have to actively seek it out.  Nine out of ten times your PHN, GP, Midwife and even some hospital lactation consultants are probably not up to date on breastfeeding best practice and advice. I find that at the first sign of trouble they are wont to offer a bottle as a solution.

This does not stop with the medical profession. Our closest support -partners, mothers, the dreaded-mother-in-law, friends, sisters, cousins - are often wont to offer similar advice.  When you have a baby, every one has an opinion and though usually well meant, these opinions can be anything but helpful.  Sylda discusses some all too familiar scenarios in her post this week. Most of our mothers and mothers-in-laws did not breastfeed.  Any attempt you have to do things differently is often met with "sure didn't you/partner turn out grand?" and the misguided assumption that because you are choosing to do something differently from them, you are disparaging the choices they made. Our culture is obsessed with babies being "good" and people are genuinely not familiar with how a biologically normal (i.e. breastfed) baby behaves. Even on my third child on the dreaded day three my own mother kept saying things like "Is that baby feeding AGAIN!?" *sigh*

So if you really want to breastfeed, how do you get around this classic Irish setup for failure?  I spoke with some of the amazingly knowledgeable and experienced women on the Extended Breastfeeding Ireland Facebook Group to get some advice and ideas! 

1. Do your research!

When you decide you want to breastfeed, research ahead of time.  The usual pregnancy books tend to just gloss over breastfeeding, with some of them subtly undermining it.  Learn about the realities of what to expect.  Many Irish women give up in the first two weeks, because they truly are the hardest.  Breastfed newborns feed a LOT! People are not used to this and will give you bad advice.  Breastfed babies will also lose a lot more weight after they're born. This can also be added to if you receive fluids during labour. Medical professionals tend to freak out when they see this weight loss or jaundice and immediately advise supplementation.  Supplementation this early will really hurt your supply and overall journey, so you need to research ahead of time and have a plan in place for if and when this happens.  Get yourself a copy of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding.  It's published by La Leche League and is a phenomenal resource.  Get it ahead of time and read all about the early days and what to expect. Keep it for when after the baby is born as you will refer to it many times.  Most Irish libraries have a copy.  Jack Newman's book is also an excellent resource, especially if you run into problems.  His online handouts are exceptional as well. Familiarise yourself with all this information.  Kellymom is a fantastic online resource that will tackle any myths you might encounter or problems that might occur.  Read read read.... have realistic expectations and try to find out about other Irish women's experiences and how they dealt with and overcame problems both physical and with the system.

2. Get Support in Advance

I cannot stress this one enough. Go to a breastfeeding group before baby is born!  Please, if you do nothing else on this list, this one could make or break it for you.  I always thought these meetings would be full of hippies and "breastapo", but guess what, they are all just normal mammies like you doing their best.  The advice, support and camraderie received in these groups is second to none, but most importantly if you go to a few meetings in advance you will have a built in support group when baby comes along.  On my second daughter the PHN was telling me to do things that didn't sound right and I rang up one of the leaders from the group I'd been going to for advice.  She was over to my house within an hour popping the kettle on and helping me with latching, sending me to bed with Ciara and watching Ella while we nursed.  Amazing!  Not to say they will all be like this, but those first few weeks are fraught with emotions and hormones and even when you are well read and think you are well prepared sometimes the pressure from a PHN  or GP can have you doubting yourself.  A phone call to someone who has been where you are is often enough to give you the confidence and wherewithal to carry on. The meetings are informative and fun and can be a great way to make friends, especially if you are (or will be) a new Mum.  If you can't get out, find a local group on Facebook or join the absolutely phenomenal EBI group, the women of which seem to be able to help with just about anything and most importantly give you the reassurance that what you are facing is normal and fixable!

3. Educate and inform your family

If you are planning on breastfeeding it is imperative that you inform and educate your family and close support.  You need to prepare your partner especially well.  Let them know realistically that you will be out of commission for a few weeks while you establish breastfeeding. Let them know that you will need help - emotional, practical and physical. Let them know what to expect, that breastfed babies feed often in the first few weeks and that sleeping through the night is not a goal. Make sure your partner is aware of your preferences for birth as well. If you do end up in a situation where you cannot speak for yourself, he/she needs to be able to be your voice.  If you want to breastfeed they need to be able to advocate on your behalf. They should be aware of the various arguments medical professionals might use to support supplementing and be able to counter them, if so desired. Talk to your Mum/Mother-in-law about breastfeeding.  Maybe you'll be lucky and find out they did it and support you, but if not, make sure you tell them that their support is imperative and suggesting bottles or routines will not help.  Keep them busy with other methods of helping such as laundry, cleaning and cooking meals. Mums love to feel useful, make it happen!  Make sure your partner is on board here too, if his/her Mum is talking to them on the sly or trying to tell them you are doing things wrong, it can often reverberate back to you and have an impact on your relationship and emotions. Make sure they know where you stand and are on the same page.

4. Assume you can do it!

This one came up a few times on EBI.  Assume you can do it.  This is what your boobs are made for! Very few people cannot physically breastfeed (I should know, I am one), yet many seem to think they can't due to poor education and bad advice.  There are very few breastfeeding problems that can't be fixed with a bit of education and knowledge and a good lactation consultant (note: the hospital ones are not necessarily the best - if needed, I would recommend seeking out a private one, fees can generally be claimed back through insurance.)  Don't listen to negative stories and keep in mind that the majority of people who say they couldn't breastfeed or didn't make enough milk are most likely misinformed and received bad advice, a classic system failure.

5. Follow your instinct

The best advice I can give any parent is to go with your gut.  If it feels right, do it, naysayers be damned. If someone gives you advice, even a GP or PHN and it doesn't feel right, get a second opinion.  If a routine feels right for you, go for it, if you want to carry your baby, go for it, if you prefer a buggy, go for it.  Don't let anyone tell you what's right for you.  Listen to your baby, listen to your heart and you will find the right path.  Some people are of the persuasion that if you breastfeed you must co-sleep, baby-led wean, baby wear, cloth nappy etc etc.  That's not the case. It's not an all inclusive lifestyle. Mothers from all walks of life and all forms of parenting backgrounds breastfeed, which is precisely why I love the diverse support meetings so much.    Do what is right for you, end of story!

6. Don't feel guilty

One of the wisest things my mother ever told me was that no one else can make you feel guilty.  Guilt is a choice, a choice that brings you and people around you down. If you did the best you could, then so be it. Accept that and don't feel bad, be happy with what you achieved and be happy for other mama's who achieved differently. If you do feel guilty - examine why - don't let it hamper you. You are an amazing mama and whether you lasted a day, a week, a month or a year, every single drop made a difference to your baby and you. Don't assume that just because you see or hear someone promoting breastfeeding that they are judging or undermining your decision to wean early or not even start, because as a self-proclaimed "lactivist" I can assure you, we are not.  What works for one mum may not for another and the most important thing is that you do what is best for YOU and your baby!

What other pieces of advice would you add? I'd love to hear from you in the comments!

This post is part of the Irish Parenting Bloggers BlogMarch in support of World Breastfeeding Week running from 1st to 7th August 2013. You can read more about World Breastfeeding Week 2013 here. 

The Irish Parenting Bloggers’ focus is on community support, particularly in the form of peer-to-peer support and the BlogMarch features our varied breastfeeding experiences, including our experiences with breastfeeding support in Ireland. The full list of posts is available on mama.ie here.

A Heartbreaking Decision

Just over a month ago I came to the very difficult decision to stop nursing, or rather, my son did.  For those of you who know my story, you will know that I have Insufficient Gland Tissue or Breast Hypoplasia, meaning I cannot produce a full supply of milk.  I did everything this time around everything that should help supply for normal mothers coupled with every possible combination of drug, herb or physical remedy known to (wo)man.  For the first three months of his life I was constantly attached to a pump, SNS and/or baby.   It quickly became apparent that I couldn't keep this up with two older kids to look after as well.  For those of you who have never nursed with an SNS let me tell you that a few ounces can take well over an hour for baby to consume at which point it's time to pump then time to nurse again and so on and so forth.  I began to introduce a small bottle after he nursed and predictably he grew to prefer the bottle and reject the breast.  I tried to wean him back onto the breast using the SNS but he was not having any of it.  Nursing became a constant struggle and eventually he flat out refused to latch.  This was so hard for me, because my second daughter had had bottles too, but she always preferred to nurse and comfort nursed even when there was nothing there.

The decision to stop was heartbreaking.  I just wanted to be able to do what nature intended.  When he cried I wanted to be able to comfort him, not frustrate him further.  Although I had been getting donor milk, I didn't feel it was fair to ask other women to pump for me when I was giving up myself, so I knew I would be switching him to formula.  I tried to keep pumping, but without the stimulation from nursing I would maybe get a few milliliters a day. Note on my best supply days I would barely get a full ounce for the entire day, if that gives you any indication of the severity of the supply problems here.

This whole journey has been an incredible one, as each child is.  My birthing experience was absolutely amazing and surpassed any expectations I might have had.  It was empowering and inspiring and made me feel like a strong and powerful woman.  My little boy is absolutely wonderful and makes my heart smile everytime I look into those beautiful blue eyes of his.  But my body let me down and the breastfeeding relationship I longed for never came to be.

In the process of this pregnancy/birth/lactation experience I have had the pleasure of meeting some amazing women who suffer with the same condition both at home and abroad through the IGT Support Group and an Ireland specific Low Supply Group I setup earlier this year.  Nothing helps more than a sympathetic ear from someone who has been through the exact same thing.   The four ladies who so graciously gave us donor milk will forever be in my heart.  To think that complete strangers (now friends) took the time and energy to do something so intimate for my little boy is truly overwhelming.  I'm not quite sure if I'll ever be able to express how much their sacrifice meant to me.  Someday when he has his own children and understands about breastfeeding, I will tell him about the women who helped him thrive in the early days.  I will be forever grateful to these women.

I have learned much from this particular journey.  I have learned that although my body lets me down with each child I bring into the world, there is support and people out there who will step in and help you and restore your faith in your ability to mother.  I have also learned that their are people out there who will never understand or care to try to.  Those people are best ignored.

I was in Howth yesterday giving Mark a bottle and I recognised a woman from some of the other "natural parenting" facebook groups.  The look of disdain she gave me when she saw me feeding him a bottle was truly shocking.  How dare she judge me?  She has no idea what I've been through.  It took me more effort to feed my baby for one day than it will her to feed all three of hers for a lifetime.  It's the one thing I've really learned in all this.  You cannot judge, you DO NOT KNOW.  I wanted to shout at her, to tell her how ignorant she was, but really what would that achieve?  We need to support other mothers no matter what their choices and we cannot assume just because we see someone with a bottle that they were too lazy to even give it a try.  When it comes to breastfeeding, Mamas with IGT are anything but lazy.  We need support too, we need to feel welcome into the breastfeeding community without being made to feel we are failures.  We need caring and loving glances from other mothers, not looks of ignorant judgment. I have spoken before how I too am often guilty of this and I know myself that it's something we all can improve upon.  Sometimes I just wonder why I had to care... why I couldn't have been one of those Moms who didn't care at all about breastfeeding?

My little man and I are onto new pastures and I try not to let this all get me down, but sometimes when I get one of those looks like I got yesterday or see another Mama nursing, it sends a regretful chill through my body and makes me question myself all over again.  Baby Led Weaning is proving an amazing success and a great amount of fun, so it's time to move onwards and upwards and explore this brave new world with my little guy.

Thanks to everyone who offered support, advice and loving thoughts on this rocky journey.

Breastfeeding Difficulties: Living with IGT

I'm feeling sorry for myself lately.  The past few days I've been kind of low.  One would think that being surrounded by extraordinary women and their gorgeous children at the Homebirth Conference would have left me on a high and to an extent it did, but it also served to make me feel less of a woman... again. I hate my boobs.

My wee man is two months old and I still nurse him at each feed, but I have to supplement him and as he grows so does that supplement with my supply staying the exact same. I nurse and if I have time I hook him up to the SNS and feed him the supplement at breast, but with two school age kids and their various extracurriculars, I don't really have the time to have a 90 minute SNS session more than once a day, if even, so that means he gets a bottle.  He nurses for about five minutes on each side before getting frustrated and annoyed as the milk dries up.  This is the day to day of Insufficient Glandular Tissue or IGT.  It sucks. A lot.

I want to be able to pick my baby up when he cries and satisfy him.  I want to be able to nourish him by myself as I should be designed to do. I want stains on my shirts because my milk leaks. I want mustard poo. I don't want to smell like curry because of all the fenugreek I take.  I don't want to be hungry all the time because of the high dosage of domperidone I'm on.  I don't want to have to hide a bottle under a blanket when I'm with other breastfeeding women.  I don't want to have to explain my situation to everyone who gives me a dirty look. I want the people closest to me and everyone else -strangers included who feel they have the right to comment - who ask why I bother and suggest switching to bottles to realise they are not helping.  I want breastfeeding "experts" to stop telling me it's something I'm doing wrong.  I just want to be normal.

How can my body make and sustain this beautiful baby for ten months then not continue to do so after he is so beautifully born? 

I cried my eyes out the entire drive home from Dublin last week not because I was jealous of all those women I saw who were lovingly nursing their babies, but rather because I was mourning the fact that I couldn't do that.  I was sad, angry and frustrated. Why me? What is wrong with my body that my breasts never developed? Why can no one fix it? Why does no one even care enough to try? Why do people tell me not to bother?

The thoughts that go through my head are endless. Nothing can prepare a mother for primary lactation failure.  It goes against every maternal instinct one has.  Putting a baby to an empty breast only upsets him further, it's heartbreaking to watch. It kills me when I see people not even try to breastfeed, or give up for stupid reasons. It makes me mad that women who could easily feed any number of babies don't because they fear they are giving up their freedom or won't make enough or it might hurt or they just can't be bothered.  I would rather have enough milk and raw nipples or permanent mastitis than IGT.  Not being able to feed my babies just kills me and it's so hard not to be angry.  I know I shouldn't judge other women, especially because I believe most of it is due to lack of education and/or support, but still, it's just hard when you have literally tried everything under the sun to no avail.

One of the ladies in the IGT Support Group summed it up perfectly when she said "IGT is like a silent killer to the wonderment of motherhood."  So true. She goes on to share how it has affected her:

To me having IGT is like a silent killer to the wonderment of motherhood. Yes the children get older and nursing struggles become distant memories (I have 7 and 5 1/2 yr old boys too) but for now, right now I am saddened. I struggle with wondering why God would make a perfect beautiful way to feed babies and then not allow me to feed them that way. I never had fertility problems, I had no idea my breasts were empty shells devoid of mammary glands. They aren't huge but they're breasts! I even commented to my husband during my first pregnancy "well I'm leaking colostrum, so at least we know my boobs work..." after noticing there was a lack of tenderness and growth about 25 weeks in. The only reason I keep going with the SNS is for the joy I feel when I see those blue eyes peering up at me. He loves to nurse, all my baby's did. And the little smile in the corner of his mouth when he opens wide to latch on, those few swallows he gets before needing the SNS; it's worth it to me for that calm and peace and unity we have, my baby and I.

Yes. THAT is what I need to focus on. Those loving eyes looking up at me enjoying what little he can get.   I have to remain positive and enjoy the nursing relationship I do have and who knows, maybe as he gets older and adds solids I will eventually be able to eliminate supplements.  I cannot let other people's negativity and "I don't know why you bother" attitude bring me down.  I cannot look at other women who are successful and let it sadden me.  I cannot let blog posts like this make me cry and mourn.  I will continue to do what I am doing because it benefits my son and it benefits me.  Must.stay.strong.

Review: Ardo Calypso Breast Pump

My breastfeeding journey has continued to be a struggle with my new little man.  For a few days there we thought I might actually be ok.  For the first time I experienced let down and engorgement and my little man was audibly swallowing and even gulping at times. I didn't supplement at all until day ten when it became apparent he was going downhill and losing weight and becoming less alert.  I think I made enough milk initially but as his needs increased my supply couldn't keep up.  The joys of IGT I guess. It made the whole situation quite emotional for me, as even though I had prepared for the worst I had gotten that false glimmer of hope for the first week or so that things were actually working this time around.  I have been supplementing with donor milk and formula for the last few weeks and thankfully the little man is now thriving again. It's a heartbreaking situation and even more difficult when I see so many women giving up for selfish or just plain ridiculous reasons when they make plenty of milk. But I digress...

It quickly became apparent that I would need to add pumping to my long list of tricks to get my supply to it's optimum level.  In the past I have used Medela and Avent pumps.  I used the hospital grade Medela Lactina, the Medela Swing and the Medela Mini as well as the Avent Isis. I was on a budget this time but wanted something good and reliable that wouldn't cost me a fortune in replacement parts if I needed them.

I stumbled upon the Ardo Calypso Breast Pump, an electric pump that can do single or double pumping.  It was a bit of a gamble as they are a less known company and there were not too many reviews out there.  The reviews that were out there though, were quite good.  I loved the 400 hour guarantee that transferred with owners and I liked the fact that several had commented on the excellent customer support. It is also used in hospitals in parts of the UK, so I figured that in itself is a raging endorsement.

I went ahead and ordered the package deal on Inhealth.ie as it came with the double kit and some milk storage bags and worked out cheaper than buying the double kit on Amazon or directly from Ardo.

I am very happy with the pump, it is on par with other ones I have tried, even the very expensive Medela Lactina.  I loved the fact that it came with three different sized flanges, so you are sure to be able to get one that works best for you without having to shop around elsewhere and fork out more money.  It is fairly straightforward to assemble, although I can't say I thought the instructions were very clear.  Think Ikea instructions, you need to do a lot of reading between the lines, but once set up it's easy to remember and repeat.

The pump itself is very quiet in comparison to other electric pumps.  The base unit is small and unobtrusive and doesn't look like a breast pump.  It sits inconspicuously in my living room and no one knows what it is until I plug in the flanges.

There are eight vacuum and eight cycle settings.  This is brilliant because you can play around with something that suits your situation and your flow.  I start off on a very fast cycle to imitate what a baby would do to start let down, then I slow it down.  As the flow is decreasing, I turn the vacuum up and do compressions to get the remaining few drops out.

Overall I am extremely happy with this pump. I think it is better than both the Medela and Avent options and would highly recommend it.  Below is a summary of the pros and cons.

Pros:

• Great value for money
• Three flange sizes
• Affordable replacement parts
• Quiet motor
• Small and inobtrusive
• Can be used with batteries as well
• 400 hours of pumping guarantee
• Good customer service
• Fully compliant with the WHO Breastfeeding code.

Cons:

• Instructions are not as clear as they should be
• Batteries must be removed to use the mains adaptor

Disclaimer: I purchased this pump with my own funds, no compensation was received for this review. All opinions are my own.

The Long Awaited Arrival of Our Little Boy

Smiling between contractions, clary sage in hand!

As some of you know, I had been planning a homebirth for our third child.  In order to do so I needed to get to 37 weeks. This might seem like no problem to most people, but my babies tend to show up right around that mark. The deadline was Saturday February 25th.  The Saturday before I started having contractions and was devastated I would end up in the hospital.  After speaking with the midwife and having a few glasses of wine things slowed down and I made it through to Thursday, which was still two days before the magic 37 week mark.  Contractions started in earnest and at 4am we decided to ring the midwife to come out.  She didn't think things were progressing much and went home when I was 2cm.  It was devastating, the pool was filled and everything.  This pattern continued for almost two weeks. Hubby had finished work because we were sure things were imminent.  I felt like such a failure.  Contractions, bloody show, the whole lot and then nothing.

Eventually I stalled at 4cm and stalled for several days.  On Wednesday the midwife came to see me and did some acupuncture.  I noticed things picked up a bit that night and I was awoken a few times with strong contractions.  At 6:30am I woke up when my body decided to clear itself out, after which I went back to bed.  At 7:43, two minutes before my alarm was due to go off I was awoken with a pop and a gush as my fore waters broke.  Talk about a shock!  We were so excited as it meant FINALLY things were kicking off.

Labouring in the pool

I texted the midwife and my Mom and let them know what was going on.  I was also keenly aware that due to the ridiculous laws surrounding homebirth in Ireland, this would put me on a clock and if I hadn't gone into labour within 24 hours I'd be sent to Mullingar to argue my way out of unfounded procedures.  By the afternoon contractions were present but highly irregular.  The midwife came out to check on me around 3pm and reassured me that I would go into labour before the deadline. She did some more acupuncture and gave me some homeopathy. She thought that when the girls went to bed things would kick off and she was right.

Around seven contractions started to get stronger and once the kids were in bed my parents came and things really started to kick off.  I had been listening to my Gentlebirth tracks which had been keeping me quite calm and composed.  I called the midwife and asked if I could get into the pool and she agreed and said she'd be on her way.  The pool was literally bliss, but it did slow things down a bit.  When Aisling arrived she checked me with my permission and asked me to get out of the pool. I was 5cm and once I was out she asked me to go lie down upstairs without anyone watching me as she thought I would progress more.  I put on the hypnobirth tracks again and things picked up a bit.  I came back downstairs around midnight and asked to get back in the pool. Things were picking up but still manageable.  My hind waters broke at this stage and I felt crazy leaking everywhere.  She called another midwife to come out which I knew meant things were imminent.  I decided I wanted my Mom there and Paul rang her to come.  I was in the pool when they arrived and I was getting quite vocal according to my notes.  I kept expecting to hit that wall I had hit in previous births where I gave in and wanted every drug on the planet.  (I never did give in, but I sure wanted to!)  I don't know if it was the fact that I knew that wasn't an option or if the Gentlebirth had helped me or if I was just older and wiser, but it never happened.  There were a few moments where I thought I couldn't do it but I just reminded myself of how lucky we were and how much I had to be grateful for and it got me through.

Contractions were coming quickly and intensely and I evidently woke up my 7 year old who came downstairs.  Her Grandad kept her entertained as I continued to labour.  I began to feel some pressure and Aisling asked me to get out of the pool as it was now too cold for the baby.  Getting out was torture, I thought he was going to come any minute, but it turns out I had plenty of time.  Baby was still posterior as we entered the pushing stage.  His posterior position was responsible for the lengthy labour, the stopping and starting and the SROM.  Having had severe tears on my daughters I was determined to try and avoid a repeat performance this time, so I really took my time with the pushing stage.  Aisling was amazing, there was no yelling at me or telling me what to do.  She said once or twice to listen to my body and I felt so respected and listened to throughout.  They would check the fetal heartbeat between contractions but otherwise I was left to my own devices.  On the girls births as soon as I felt the need to push I just let loose and pushed until they were out, damned if I was going to drag things out.  This time I just let my body do the work.  It meant letting him go back in between contractions but the relief between them was so worth it.

Paul and my Mom were amazing at this stage, wiping my brow with a cold cloth and draping my neck with one; they were both so encouraging.  Towards the end I remember thinking it had to be the last push, I could feel him crowning and then the contraction stopped.  The midwife told me he went back in and I called him a bastard which made everyone laugh.  I was kneeling and leaning over the couch at this point.  I could feel the head mostly out and could feel his face coming, it was amazing being so present during this stage, (I had entonox (gas and air) on my previous birth and felt stoned and stupid and out of control) I could appreciate every sensation and really listen to my body.  I felt his face come and someone asked me to give a tiny push and the next thing I knew I felt his whole body slither out and the relief and love was instant at a precise 3am.  He didn't cry for a few seconds but when he did my heart sang.  Paul was crying and I asked if it was definitely a boy and was assured he was.  The cord was short so we had to fenagle me around to hold him and when I did it was love at first sight, he was just gorgeous.  I sat there on the floor with him for what seemed like a blissful eternity.  He nursed like a champ and both Paul and I had plenty of skin-to-skin time with him.  His sisters got to meet him right away and were besotted.

It was an incredible experience that everyone involved with couldn't get over.  I felt so respected and well taken care of throughout my pregnancy and birth and afterwards.  If I were to do it again (and that's a big if, mostly dependent on himself!) I would go no other way. I feel so empowered as a woman.  Mark Russell weighed in at 10 pounds 9 ounces and I didn't need any stitches.  It's only been 36 hours but the recovery so far has been night and day from my other births.  I've very little pain other than the usual afterpains when nursing and I feel very energetic.  Mark is a little dote, feeds well and is very contented.

Breastfeeding: My sad story and a glimmer of hope!

Science says breast is best and science is right.  Science would also have you believe that every woman can breast feed. In that regard, they would be wrong.  In 99.9% of the time that is indeed the case, but sometimes, just sometimes a woman can have a physiological problem that can prevent her from being able to fully feed her child. Sometimes this can be self-induced such as the case with breast reduction surgery, but other times there can be no known cause.  I fall into the second category.

May 7, 2004

When my daughter was born in 2004 there was no question in my mind that I would breastfeed.  I wanted to give my daughter the best start in life and what better way to do it.  It never occurred to me I would have difficulties that couldn't be overcome.  I had a drug-free natural birth with a nurse midwife in a hospital in Michigan. For the most part it was a wonderful experience and baby went straight to the breast.  They told me right away that she had jaundice but encouraged me to breastfeed.  On her second day she was bright yellow and had to go under blue billirubin lights. The pediatrician wanted me to supplement to try and get the jaundice out of her system and recommended I do so with an SNS so as not to delay or upset my milk coming in.  Several days later my milk had not "come in" in the way I'd read about. No engorgement, pain, leaking... nothing.  I had a visit with a lactation consultant who examined me and knew immediately something was wrong.  She said I had underdeveloped breasts and not enough gland tissue.  She recommended herbs and domperidone to help with my supply.  Unfortunately this whole time Ella was losing weight and the jaundice was not improving.  My father-in-law came to visit immediately after she was born (never make that mistake friends) and he made me uncomfortable feeding so after just two weeks I gave up.  It was a sad day, but being in the US at the time I knew I had to be back in work in four weeks and convinced myself it was for the best.

Roll on 18 months later and my second daughter Ciara was born, this time in Ireland. Again a natural unmedicated birth.  It was to be a homebirth, but the midwife was not able to attend at the last minute so we had to go to the hospital. It was perfect and the midwife was wonderful allowing plenty of skin-to-skin and immediate feeding.  I had also had nine months to prepare and try and address the problems I had with Ella.  I worked with my GP ahead of time and was officially diagnosed with breast hypoplasia and insufficient glandular tissue.  An ultrasound confirmed that I had minimal gland tissue and as a result could not produce a full supply.  This time I was going to try pumping after feeds and add more herbs (fennugreek, blessed thistle to name a few) and a high dose of domperidone (motilium, 90mg 3x day).  None of this actually helped with my supply as far as I noticed which in hindsight makes sense as if the tissue is not there no amount of galactagogues are going to help.  I breastfed Ciara for just over nine months using the SNS to supplement but she continued to comfort nurse even though there was nothing there for about a year.  I would have liked to go longer but she was ready to move on.  Another sad day.

During both my experiences I met lots of people who tried to help whether doctors, lactation consultants or La Leche League leaders and enthusiastic members.  Most meant well, but generally made things worse by telling me everyone could breastfeed and I was obviously doing something wrong when clearly baby was latched perfectly and I was continually attached to a baby or pump.  Six years later there is a lot more known about my condition, but I have yet to find anyone else in Ireland with my problem.  Breastfeeding is atrocious here, most women get very little help and give up within days or weeks.  It makes me so sad to think of all the women and babies out there that were perfectly capable of having a wonderful nursing relationship and full supply who did not do so because no one showed them how or helped them when they encountered more common difficulties.  When you've pumped for 18 hours straight and are staring at a sum total of half an ounce, you would literally kill to have functional boobs albeit ones with mastitis, inflamed nipples or oversupply.

The good news is that this condition does improve slightly with each pregnancy as more tissue is formed.  Women with less severe hypoplasia can even go on to have a full or almost full supply in subsequent pregnancies.  There is much more known about the condition and many books and groups that help.  MOBI (Mothers Overcoming Breastfeeding Issues) has been an incredible resource for me as have two books.

The Breastfeeding Mother's Guide to Making More Milk is an incredible resource for anyone with supply issues be it something like my IGT, breast surgery, PCOS or something baby related such as tongue tie.  There is lots of research on physical, herbal and medical solutions to many of the problems mothers and babies may encounter.

Mother Food: A Breastfeeding Diet Guide with Lactogenic Foods and Herbs for a Mom and Baby's Best Health is the second book which is a riveting read regardless of issues you may have.  It's a fascinating insight into breastfeeding throughout time and investigates both modern and historical antidotes for various issues and essential outcomes.  It's a great book for anyone breastfeeding who wants to ensure their milk is the best it can be.

Both books offer suggestions for women with chronic supply issues before and after baby is born which has helped me immensely in preparing for this pregnancy knowing the issues I will face.  My IGT plan of action is as follows:

• Pre-natal natural progesterone supplement to 38 weeks
• Pre-natal supplement of Go-Lacta, Goat's Rue, Alfalfa
• Pre-natal nutritional supplements including prenatal vitamin, Omega 3,6 oils, Evening Primrose Oil, Calcium and Floradix Iron Supplement
• Pregnancy Tea
• Expression of colostrum from 34 weeks to collect and freeze for baby and encourage supply
• Gentlebirth Hypnobirthing and the breastfeeding hypnosis track after birth
• Home waterbirth with no interventions, immediate skin-to-skin and nursing.
• Frequent on demand nursing with breast compression
• Supplement donor milk* using SNS, as necessary
• Post-natal nutritional supplements as above, increasing iron if required
• Herbal supplements of Shatavari, Leptaden, fenugreek, More Milk Special Blend and Blessed Thistle.
• Prescription supplement of high dose domperidone (motilium)
• Pumping after feeds.

* I was lucky enough to find some very understanding, kind and generous women to offer me donor milk through Human Milk for Human Babies. I am so incredibly touched that these women would help someone in my situation and I am blessed that I will be able to feed my son the best I can in my circumstances and avoid formula. 

Our wee man!

So that's the plan and my story.  Little Boy Blue is due any day now and I hope that it will improve this time .  I would love to hear from other Irish Mama's who have IGT, I know I can't be alone! I would also ask lactation consultants, LLL leaders, Doulas, PHNs and midwives to read up on the condition as it can be extremely disheartening to be told you are doing something wrong when in fact you are doing everything and then some right, but baby is still not thriving.  

I've listed some other excellent breastfeeding resources below:

Dr. Jack Newman's Website - Renowned Canadian breastfeeding expert. Lots of articles, videos and research here. A fantastic resource for new Moms. 

Kellymom - A wonderful resrouce by mothers for mothers. 

La Leche League - The breastfeeding advocates. Information on local meetings, a useful forum and tons of great handouts and pamphlets.

Human Milk for Human Babies - Find donor milk or donate milk to mothers and babies in need.

MOBI - Mothers Overcoming Breastfeeding Issues: great articles, fantastic email support group and links to various books and suppliers.

Breastfeeding Mums Ireland - A facebook group for breastfeeding mothers.

Friends of Breastfeeding - An Irish group promoting breastfeeding and lactivism.

Hey Facebook: Breastfeeding is Normal!

As some of you may be aware, Facebook has been removing pictures of women breastfeeding their children on a regular basis and in some cases, even banning these women's accounts.  In most cases they are beautiful tasteful photos with very little skin and/or nipple exposed.

Regardless of your choice to breastfeed, no one can dispute the scientific evidence that it is the best choice for your baby and the biological fact that it is indeed what our boobs were made for, despite what the porn/TV/film/advertising industry would have you believe.

The benefits of breastfeeding are undisputed, not just for an individual child, but for society as a whole.  Breastfed children grow up to be smarter and healthier than their formula fed counterparts making for a more productive society. Mothers who are allowed and encouraged to breastfeed will inevitably miss less work because of sick children and employers are beginning to realise this.

Whether or not you personally choose to breastfeed is beside the point here, the point is everyone should be given that choice and supported if they make it.  It is against the law in Ireland to discriminate against a breastfeeding woman, yet looking at the bigoted, misinformed and plain idiotic comments on this Journal post, it is clearly evident that the public at large are uneducated and clearly not supportive.  We must support mothers no matter what choice they make and even more so when they are making the best and normal choice.

If you are nursing or have nursed or just support the cause, consider coming out to the protest next Monday at the Facebook Headquarters in Dublin.  It is a chance to tell the media, the public and the censors at Facebook that not only is breastfeeding the healthy and optimal choice for society, but it's utterly and completely normal!  If you can't make it, consider changing your Facebook picture on the day and leaving a message of support for the girls!

The details are here.